I love the Onion

John Amaechi Comes Out as Former NBA Player:

STOCKPORT, ENGLAND—British homosexual John Amaechi sent shockwaves throughout the sporting world last week when he announced, much to the surprise of his family and friends—in addition to NBA players and fans—that he lived a double life for five years in which he secretly worked as a professional basketball player.

"It was difficult living with this secret," said Amaechi, who in his new autobiography Man In The Middle reveals that he played in the NBA for the Cleveland Cavaliers, Utah Jazz, Orlando Magic, and perhaps most shockingly, the New York Knicks. "I loved it and hated it at the same time. And I was afraid that if I ever acted on some of my impulses, like say by requesting more playing time, that I would have ultimately embarrassed myself and everyone close to me."

"Now, it's like a tremendous weight has been lifted," Amaechi added, stating that although he still feels a certain shame about his furtive involvement in the often shadowy world of professional basketball, it has been a great relief to finally be able to speak openly about his professional life.